Eternity is a Lonely Word
by Aoluas Anminti
Summary: Zelgadis discovers a horrible truth, and turns to the only person who can help him cope with it. Probably a Oneshot.


Eternity is a Lonely Word

By Tenshi-Nibunnoichi

Author's Note – WHEE! I had a brain fart! More like, my muse hit me in the head with a sledgehammer and told me to pay tribute to my Zel-Fi shippiness. Please R&R, and tell me what you think.

~~~~~In One of Rezo's Secret Labs, Somewhere~~~~~

Zelgadis looked through the tome again, scanning, looking for some kind of loophole, some kind of mistake. It couldn't be true – Lina, Gourry, Amelia, surely he wouldn't…

But there was nothing.

Hours passed, and he'd searched through every book in Rezo's lab, everything.

"Gods, no…" he murmured.

~~~~~30 years later~~~~~

Filia was making pottery in her Vase & Mace shop when she heard the doorbell chime. She quickly washed her hands and changed into a clean apron, walking to the door to answer it. She wondered who would bother to come to her shop now that it was so late.

Zelgadis stood at the door when she answered it, looking tired and ragged. He nodded to her as she stood there in shock. "Filia." He said, his tone polite even without an honorific. "I…I need to talk to you. May I…?"

Filia snapped out of her daze and quickly invited him in, closing the door and shutting out the cold of the late autumn evening. She led him to her living room, shooing Jiras and Grabos into another room. She offered him some hot tea which he gratefully accepted, and sat down across from him with her own cup, waiting for him to be ready to begin.

~~~~~Zel's POV~~~~~

Filia's house is beautiful. Not in a grand way, but in a simple, small way. Still elegant, though. Like her. She's beautiful, still. She doesn't seem to have aged a day. What am I saying? Of course she hasn't aged. She's not mortal. Or maybe she is? Do Dragons die in time? Will she wither and grow old someday? How old was her Elder?

I've been silent too long. I can't help it though. How to begin?

I look around the room slowly, taking it in. The fireplace with a small golden clock on it, shaped like a dragon. Cute.  The Windows, covered by pale blue curtains. The walls have a faint beige tint, I think. Maybe it's the firelight. There are portraits of us on the walls. By us I mean the group that destroyed Dark Star. Sirius, Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Even a small one of Xellos. I wonder if she's come to accept him? There are several of Valgaav. And a few of myself. There are more portraits of Valgaav than of myself, but mine still outnumber the others'. I wonder why. There's that egg in the corner closest to the fireplace. Is it Valgaav, I wonder? Probably. Maybe that was L-sama's gift to her, that egg. So that she could recover somehow from Valgaav's death. Murder. Whatever. 

"When will the egg hatch?" I ask, tilting my head towards the dark aqua sphere.

She starts, then smiles gently. That smile looks beautiful on her face. So kind. Few smile like that in my presence. "I'm not exactly sure, I don't know that much about Ancient Dragons, but any year now, I think. By the end of the next decade, I hope." She pauses, taking a sip from her drink. "Sometimes it drives me crazy, waiting for it to hatch. But patience is a virtue, right?"

I nod. "Is it Valgaav?"

She shrugs with a little smile. "I don't know. I don't even know if it's male." She sighs. "In truth, Zelgadis-san, I don't really know what I'd do if it were Valgaav. I might not know right away anyway. Perhaps many Ancient Dragons had hair like his, you know?"

"What about his astral signature?"

She seems surprised that I would think of something like that. "Well, I'm not sure. His ryuzoku signature was so warped before that I couldn't even tell what he was, really. I don't think I'd be able to recognize it." She let out a wistful sigh, gazing into the softly crackling fireplace. "I almost wish it were him, you know? I would like to give him another chance. I want to make up for the crimes of my race. I…" She turns back to me, smiling apologetically. "I'm sorry, Zelgadis-san. I was rambling."

"No, it's fine." We settle into a semi-uncomfortable silence again. After a few minutes, I break the it. "Are you immortal, Filia? Will you live for eternity?"

She looks at me, slightly surprised at my outburst. "Possibly. I mean, Dragons do live long, long lives but…" she sighs, "due to the fight with the Mazoku, many members of both species are killed before they achieve a natural death. I have never heard of a dragon who died of old age."

"What of sickness?"

"We don't get sick, but I suppose we can wither away in grief."

"How so?"

"Dragons mate for life. Often, in the case that a Dragon becomes a widow, they will choose a new mate, around their age, if possible. When they don't… the loneliness consumes them. They lose their passion for life. At first they simply live to die, but after the realization of how long that will take dawns on them, they usually seek out death. Many simply go to someplace like Zelas' Island or Dynast's Palace. Even an army of dragons wouldn't survive long in the Mazoku's home base."

"Are you lonely, Filia?" I ask.

She blushes lightly and stutters softly. "I…well….I-I couldn't….really say…."

"I apologize." I say. "That was too forward of me."

"No, it's alright…Zelgadis-san…"

"What about your Supreme Elder?" I ask her, changing the subject. "Wasn't he aged?"

"No." She frowns. Does remembering him cause her pain? What am I saying, of course it does. I'm sorry, Filia, for reminding you… "He simply took on the appearance of an old man to give you humans the impression of his being an Elder. Even to call him an Elder isn't quite correct, but it's the closest version of the word that we could find in your language."

"So there are no old dragons?"

"No," she giggles, "That's why the Supreme Elder didn't quite do it properly."

"But his dragon form seemed aged…"

"Ah, no." She gives me a small smile. "He was just… not very attractive." She giggles softly. "It's sort of freeing to say that. I don't think I would have had the courage to, before Dark Star."

I smile gently at her, and she blushes.

~~~~~Filia's POV~~~~~

It's so strange. I know he was at least in his late teens when we fought against Dark Star together. How is it that in more than thirty years he hasn't changed? He is still just as I remember him – lustrous wire hair, piercing sapphire eyes, pebbles on beautiful, scaled blue skin. Perhaps it has something to do with all of these questions he's asking about my kind's life span, and aging, and….wait. Could it be that…?

"Zelgadis-san, why are you asking me these things?" I inquire softly.

He pauses, then shakes his head, averting his eyes. "I'm sorry. I must be bothering you, with all of these inane questions…"

"No! No, that's not it at all. It's just that you seemed to be leading up to something… I didn't mean to sound so impatient, I apolo--" He puts his finger against my lips to shush me, and immediately I stopped. His eyes bore into mine, and unable to take his perceptive stare, I look away, into the fire.

"I think I'm immortal, Filia." He says. He sounds so disappointed, so resigned – then the realization of what he actually said hits me.

My eyes snap back to his. "You are?" Mentally, I slap myself. It's a stupid question to ask… but it was the first thing that came to my mind. I have to stop saying the first thing that pops up in my head.

"I think so," he repeats, stressing the word 'think'. "I don't know if I'll live forever, but I found one of Rezo's labs, and I was looking in a journal and I found an entry about me. It wasn't even an entry, really – just a side note, scribbled on the edge of the page. Two sentences. 'Zelgadis' aging seems to have stopped. The demon in him might be the cause.'" He sighs, half-closing his eyes. "I didn't want to believe it. I went to Lina first, and asked her to check. She didn't do it, but said that maybe my aging was just slower – like hers. L-sama's influence kept her young for many years, but she did age. Lina told me to let it go for now, and come back in a few years."

"She made you leave?" I ask, shocked.

"No, no." Zelgadis says, shaking his head slightly, his wire hair glinting in the firelight. "I couldn't have sat still. I was anxious to go searching for a cure. More than ever, then." He looks wistful, sad, and I wonder what it is that he's thinking about. He shakes off the thought and seems to come back to himself. "Lina said that to make sure that I would return. I have a bad habit of not visiting people." He smiles, and I smile in return. "Anyway, I did visit her, twelve years after that – twenty-seven years ago. She couldn't even pretend that I'd changed. I looked exactly as she remembered, while she had aged, married Gourry, had two children." He sighs, looking down into his lap. "I couldn't bring myself to go see Amelia. I know she'd wanted me to visit her, but… I don't think I would have been able to deal with how much she must have changed. Then I heard that she was married, and there was no more point."

"So you wandered," I say hesitantly.

He nods. "So I wandered," He agrees, chuckling softly. "So I wandered, looking for a damn cure…"

I'm startled by his profanity, but don't pay it any mind. Asking a question I already know the answer to, I say; "And you didn't find anything? Not even a clue?"

He shakes his head. "There is no cure, Filia-san. At least not one I'm willing to pay the price for." A shadow passes over his face for a moment, and I shiver. Such a dark look…

"Then why…"

"Did I come to you?" He finishes. I nod. "I needed to see someone familiar. Someone who hadn't changed. Someone who _wouldn't_ change, as far as I knew. I'm sorry to barge in Filia, it's just that…I just…" 

He looks up at me, and I jump a little in my chair. It's the first time I've ever seen his eyes so expressive and unguarded. I feel like his soul is naked before me, shivering and afraid and desperately pleading.

"It's just that eternity is such a _lonely_ word, Filia. I've been alone for most of my life now – but I haven't been _lonely_. Knowing that no matter who I befriend, who I love… knowing that they'll be gone and I'll be alone again – alone and _lonely_ – Gods, Filia, I don't know how to handle it!" Tears well up at the corners of his eyes and he shuts them tightly, ashamed.

I'm already at his side, and I put my arms around him, pulling him into a close hug, cradling his head to my chest. I remember my thoughts after the defeat of Dark Star and the death of Valgaav. I remember how scared I was, how I mourned my kin, how I dreaded the bleak, dark infinity that stretched ahead of me, and I remember how desperate I was to find a way out of it. Suddenly I realize just how lonely I'll be, when Jiras and Grabos are gone. I stroke his hair gently as I whisper soothing words, and when he seems calm again I pull away and coax him to look at me, and meet my eyes with his. I smile at him, and a small, tentative one tugs at his lips in reply. 

"Eternity is a lonely word, Zelgadis," I say, pausing to make sure he notes the lack of an honorific. I'm not being formal with him anymore, and I'm not going to hide anything. "But only when you face it alone. Will you stay here with me?"

He doesn't reply for a long time, and I fear that I offended him somehow. I open my mouth to apologize, but he speaks before I do.

"An eternity with you doesn't sound so bad…"

I smile and throw my arms around his neck, almost weeping with joy. "Thank you," I say. "Thank you, Zelgadis!"

His face is snugly against my shoulder, and slowly his arms come up around me, returning my embrace. I can feel him smile.

"No," He murmurs. "An eternity with you doesn't sound bad at all…"

FINIS

So, so, what do you think?


End file.
